Outrage over gay penguins?

[JSpaceman]

Wow, not really sure what to think of this one...

on a side note, if they could breed black and pink penguins, that'd be pretty cool...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4264913.stm

Gay outrage over penguin sex test

Humboldt penguins are threatened with extinction
Gay rights activists have protested at a north German zoo's plans to test the sexual orientation of six male penguins which have displayed homosexual traits.
Bremerhaven's Zoo am Meer said it would introduce four extra female penguins from Sweden to the group to see if the males really were gay.

But zoo director Heike Kueck said "gay groups worldwide have been cursing us since that announcement".

The zoo says it just wants to encourage the rare Humboldt penguins to breed.

The males have been observed trying to mate with each other and trying to hatch offspring out of stones.

"We don't know whether the three male pairs are really homosexual or whether they have just bonded because of a shortage of females," said Mrs Kueck, quoted by Germany's Der Spiegel news magazine.

Gay groups insisted that penguins had a right to form couples without human interference, she said.

"Nobody here wants to forcibly separate homosexual couples," she said.

Only one baby Humboldt penguin has been born at the zoo, which has six males and four females, Der Spiegel reports.

[SenorCardgage]

Watch out...everyone has an agenda...even gay penguins...

http://greengrl.org/gaypenguinad1.jpg

[weeone]

Watch out...everyone has an agenda...even gay penguins...

http://greengrl.org/gaypenguinad1.jpg

I read about this a few days ago, and thought to myself, this aint amerkin.
:D

[keyst2891]

I cannot stop laughing at this article!!

I'd like to see the workers when they tried to explain this to their bosses :D

[JSpaceman]

Depending on its views on immigration laws in the Arctic, I'd vote for a gay penguin in a heartbeat.

[Handy Smurf]

I certainly dont understand the outrage...if the penguins really are gay, then introducing an additional 4 females wont really make a difference now will it?

[weeone]

Incidentally, I just saw a great documentary called Keep the River on Your Right, by Tobias Schneebaum - he claims every man in this certain region of New Guinea has a male lover (along with a couple of wives). It's cool there. May have something to do with the lack of bodily shame, as well (they're generally nekkid). Anyhow, if we look at these people as less-developed/indoctrinated than we are (which I think is Tobias's assumption), we could argue the natural nature of homosexual behavior.

Side note: why is it that when homosexuality is studied, it's almost always in relation to a group of men ? I guess since lesbian sex is hot, it doesn't bother us as much. And who wants to demistify the hotness that is girl-on-girl action ?

</perv out>
:D

[Duemellon]

I certainly dont understand the outrage...if the penguins really are gay, then introducing an additional 4 females wont really make a difference now will it?my same confusion...

[keyst2891]

Side note: why is it that when homosexuality is studied, it's almost always in relation to a group of men ? I guess since lesbian sex is hot, it doesn't bother us as much. And who wants to demistify the hotness that is girl-on-girl action ?

</perv out>
:D

While you make a good argument that lesbian sex isn't studied because it's "hot", I think it might go a little deeper than that.

I believe that it has a lot to do with the fact that in most mammals, the male is the agressor of sexual activity. Therefore male mammals with homosexual tendencies will act on them far more often than a female.

Just convenience of study, I would assume.

[weeone]

... I would assume.

Apparently you don't think girls are secretive and tricky :rolleyes:

[jneale]

That story was on NPR a couple weeks ago…stupid thing to protest…they are birds for Fk’s sake…it isn’t like they are sewing little pink triangles on them…what did they expect…putting a bunch of guys informal wear together alone like that…

[GoWest]

That is f-ing hilarious. How perfect is it that the female penguins are Swedish? What better way to test a males sexuality than introduce Swedish females. Do you think they will be wearing bikinis?

Finally, I'm not sure if I am reading the sentence incorrectly, or if it is just a poorly worded sentence, but that the hell is an "extra female penguin"? I didn't know that female penguins came in "regular" and "extra" varieties.

[Sushi]

I believe that it has a lot to do with the fact that in most mammals, the male is the agressor of sexual activity.


That negates the fact that uh, hmm, how shall I put this delicately so I don't get flamed or banned? (I have bad memories of a closed thread from a month or so ago.) Let's just say that girls have needs too. But yeah, in most mammals the boys are the horn dogs. Perhaps the females penguins need to read "He's Just Not That Into You."

That article also reminded me of something I read a few years back. Apparently in a breeding sanctuary for pandas in China, they were showing "panda bear porn"--video of pandas in the wild doing the wild thang--so that the pandas in captivity, who hadn't grown up watching other pandas do it and apparently didn't know what part went where, would get the idea and start breeding. But they weren't gay pandas. Just run of the mill Commie pandas from China.
Found the link to the old article: http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/06/27/giant.panda/

[Sushi]

So which boarder is out there right now playing with pictures of Opus in Photoshop?

[weeone]

*giggling about Commie pandas*

[Handy Smurf]

That is f-ing hilarious. How perfect is it that the female penguins are Swedish? What better way to test a males sexuality than introduce Swedish females. Do you think they will be wearing bikinis?

Finally, I'm not sure if I am reading the sentence incorrectly, or if it is just a poorly worded sentence, but that the hell is an "extra female penguin"? I didn't know that female penguins came in "regular" and "extra" varieties.
There were 4 females and 6 males already, and the extra 4 females would skew the ratio the "heterosexual way" apparently (8-6)

[shoonvii]

This is so stupid. There were penguins at the Bronx Zoo, I think, that have been observed doing the same thing. When you take an animal out of its natural environment, you can never accurately predict exactly what the animal will do. I know this kind of thing wouldn't happen in the penguins' natural environment. If the penguins had a choice, they would choose a female. Also, "incubating" stones instead in lieu of eggs when there are none is a common trait among captive penguins.

I know its' kind of a joke, but as a guy that works with penguins daily, I kinda get a bit sick over people putting putting these anthropomorphic attributes on animals.

[Sushi]

I know its' kind of a joke, but as a guy that works with penguins daily, I kinda get a bit sick over people putting putting these anthropomorphic attributes on animals.
Where do you work? Is working with animals the daily joy English majors who love animals imagine, or is it just another job? I for one would be really interested in hearing about your job.

[the JungleCat]

Incidentally, I just saw a great documentary called Keep the River on Your Right, by Tobias Schneebaum - he claims every man in this certain region of New Guinea has a male lover (along with a couple of wives). It's cool there. ...

Yeah, except for all that pesky cannibalism.

[weeone]

Yeah, except for all that pesky cannibalism.

Meh, they weren't targeting the other tribes because of homosexual behavior at least. It was just a ... you know, tradition. they don't do it anymore. Sheesh.

[Buzzstein]

This is so stupid. There were penguins at the Bronx Zoo, I think, that have been observed doing the same thing. When you take an animal out of its natural environment, you can never accurately predict exactly what the animal will do. I know this kind of thing wouldn't happen in the penguins' natural environment. If the penguins had a choice, they would choose a female. Also, "incubating" stones instead in lieu of eggs when there are none is a common trait among captive penguins.

I know its' kind of a joke, but as a guy that works with penguins daily, I kinda get a bit sick over people putting putting these anthropomorphic attributes on animals.

wow, you do? I would also like to hear more about your job.

[Handy Smurf]

i would also like to hear more about your jorb

[Duemellon]

i would also like to hear more about your jorbI think he might hide the notes on the jaerb.

[BigSugar]

I just heard that Paris Hilton is denying that she made a sex tape with the penguins in question.......

god she's a whore......

[foolsgold]

I don't have a problem with it as long as they don't try to shove their lifestyle down my throat.

[JSpaceman]

If you clubbed a gay seal, would that be gay bashing?

[weeone]

I don't have a problem with it as long as they don't try to shove their lifestyle down my throat.

They're penguins, they don't have much else to shove down your throat.

[foolsgold]

They're penguins, they don't have much else to shove down your throat.

Maybe reguritated food.

Either way, it is still gay reguritated food, not that there is anything wrong with that.

[Slar]

My guess is that as a resident of Covington, he might work at the Newport Aquarium.

Edited to add: Oh yeah, penguins rock.

[Handy Smurf]

If you clubbed a gay seal, would that be gay bashing?
ba-dum tchinnnnng

[BigSugar]

So a penguin is driving down the highway when he has car trouble. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic pops the hood and says "this may take an hour or so....". Next door is an ice cream shop, so the penguin decides to go get an ice cream while he waits.

An hour later, the penguin walks back eating one of those vanilla Mr. Softy cones. Since he's only got flippers, it's kinda difficult to eat and he's got it all over his face. He walks in and asks the mechanic if he's fixed the problem. Mechanic pulls himself out from the hood and says "Well, looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin blushes and says "Oh no, that's just ice cream." :eek:

[weeone]

So a penguin is driving down the highway when he has car trouble. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic pops the hood and says "this may take an hour or so....". Next door is an ice cream shop, so the penguin decides to go get an ice cream while he waits.

An hour later, the penguin walks back eating one of those vanilla Mr. Softy cones. Since he's only got flippers, it's kinda difficult to eat and he's got it all over his face. He walks in and asks the mechanic if he's fixed the problem. Mechanic pulls himself out from the hood and says "Well, looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin blushes and says "Oh no, that's just ice cream." :eek:

HA ! I just heard that this weekend !

[shoonvii]

My guess is that as a resident of Covington, he might work at the Newport Aquarium.

Edited to add: Oh yeah, penguins rock.


Pretty good guess, but I work at the only other place in town where you can find penguins, the Cincinnati Zoo.

[jneale]

Pretty good guess, but I work at the only other place in town where you can find penguins, the Cincinnati Zoo.

Love the little blues!

[shoonvii]

Love the little blues!

Yeah, they're awesome. They can have a nasty bite sometimes, though. Ow!!

[Buzzstein]

So a penguin is driving down the highway when he has car trouble. He pulls into a garage and the mechanic pops the hood and says "this may take an hour or so....". Next door is an ice cream shop, so the penguin decides to go get an ice cream while he waits.

An hour later, the penguin walks back eating one of those vanilla Mr. Softy cones. Since he's only got flippers, it's kinda difficult to eat and he's got it all over his face. He walks in and asks the mechanic if he's fixed the problem. Mechanic pulls himself out from the hood and says "Well, looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin blushes and says "Oh no, that's just ice cream." :eek:

Wait a minute, there's one a problem with that joke...If a penguin has that much trouble eating an ice cream cone how can it drive a car??

[raevin]

What I find interesting is that no one has seen the awful conspiracy that is going on here.

“’Nobody here wants to forcibly separate homosexual couples,’ she said,” if this is the case what gay groups are actually attempting is to keep these poor animals from copulating with the opposite sex and thus continuing their species.

No one has asked the dark truth of why the gay groups want to see this rare breed .... DISAPEAR!

Does no one see what is going on?!!

If the gay penguins are allowed to mix with multiple “extra” female penguins, it will expose the chink in the gay sexual orientation armor. That being:

One gay male can resist the sexual wiles and trickery of one female. BUT when multiple “extra” females are introduced the gay orientation is trounced by a sudden burst of heterosexual lusting and ultimately copulation.

This vile scheme must be exposed for what it is!

I am going to TELL THE WORLD, OTHERS MUST KNOW!!


oh no …
They found me, I don’t know how but they found me

oh god… helpppp

NOT THE GERB ****TRANSMISSION TERMINATED BY THE FEDERAL AUTHORITY OF GAYNESS****

[seafoamgreen]

even gay penguins need beards.

[Handy Smurf]

even gay penguins need beards.
this was the best laff i had all day (wiping tears from eyes)

[weeone]

Wait a minute, there's one a problem with that joke...If a penguin has that much trouble eating an ice cream cone how can it drive a car??

Whoa. My whole life just flashed before my eyes.

[postfeminist]

Wait a minute, there's one a problem with that joke...If a penguin has that much trouble eating an ice cream cone how can it drive a car??
great minds think alike...i was wondering the same.

even gay penguins need beards.
you would know. :D

*giggling about Commie pandas*
me too!!! :)

[JSpaceman]

you would know. :D

Wha-what? SFG's a gay penguin??? :confused:

[seafoamgreen]

Yes sfg is a gay penquin.

I am not only a queer flightless bird, but i can type.

[postfeminist]

Yes sfg is a gay penquin.

I am not only a queer flightless bird, but i can type.

without a doubt, this is all true.

[markalot]

Wet Dream - Kip Adotta

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damned thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive, but I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me the usual Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the Mako. I slipped him a fin on porpoise. I was eeling good! I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids for the Halibut.

Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna "Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know, a piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she Drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Lets get tanked!!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp, don't ya come trolling around here." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I said, "Abalone. You're just being shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he was already on the phone to the Cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams....

- - - - - - -

I saw this guy live at that one comedy club that was in the Montgomery area for a while before it closed or moved or something. My mind is sharp as a tack I tell ya.

[wileE]

Wet Dream - Kip Adotta

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damned thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive, but I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me the usual Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the Mako. I slipped him a fin on porpoise. I was eeling good! I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids for the Halibut.

Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna "Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know, a piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she Drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Lets get tanked!!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp, don't ya come trolling around here." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I said, "Abalone. You're just being shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he was already on the phone to the Cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams....

- - - - - - -

I saw this guy live at that one comedy club that was in the Montgomery area for a while before it closed or moved or something. My mind is sharp as a tack I tell ya.

That song is hilarious!

[sleazosaurus]

Pretty good guess, but I work at the only other place in town where you can find penguins, the Cincinnati Zoo.

wow. so can you take me with you sometime? how do i get a job there? i love the zoo. and do you get to play with the polar bears? im so jealous

[postfeminist]

the idea of gay penguins has been rolling around in my brain since yesterday afternoon, and the more i think about it, the more i agree w/ the idea of all those single guys in formal wear. if any animal was gonna be gay, penguins seem like a good fit for it. :D

[Sushi]

Shoonvii--Are you a veterinarian or are you the penguin guy? I've never been to the Cincy Zoo--is it worth the trip down?

[Duemellon]

I've never been to the Cincy Zoo--is it worth the trip down?I kno, i kno, u askd him. But, yah u should go. 'tis a good place. Be sure to go in Spring when the animals r fuckin.

[JSpaceman]

Be sure to go in Spring when the animals r fuckin.
So eloquently stated... :p

[Sushi]

I kno, i kno, u askd him. But, yah u should go. 'tis a good place. Be sure to go in Spring when the animals r fuckin.
Ah yes, the wonders of nature... "What's that lion doing to that other lion, mommy?"

[Buzzstein]

"Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!"

-Zookeeper whispers- "There're Having sex."

[Handy Smurf]

"Zookeeper! Zookeeper! Those two monkeys are killing each other!"

-Zookeeper whispers- "There're Having sex."
haha, im drawing a blank tho for some reason. family guy? or was it simpsons?

and sushi i would highly recommend a trip to the zoo. i've never been to another city's zoo, but i thought ive always heard cincys is one of the better zoos in the country...i could be wrong, i seem to remember hearing san diegos is the best
although, then again, it always could be interesting to check out the zoo touted as "by far the worst in the country"-whatever that is
-A white horse with black stripes painted on it in the zebra cage.
-Polar bears that are so bored theyre sitting around their habitats smoking cigarettes
-A defective giraffe with a 3 foot neck
-a walrus that shaved his mustache
-chimps whose cages are never cleaned out and theyre living in piles of their own feces.

I think the monkeys at the zoo should be forced to wear sunglasses so they cant hypnotize you
-----------
"Let's go to the zoo and watch the monkeys do it"
"No, the monkeys dont do it. They make love"

[rocketman70]

And the answer is The Simpsons. I believe it's how Homer learned about s-e-x

[classicgrrl]

That song is hilarious!

*sigh*

thanks mal, now you made me miss Dr. Demento. :(

[shoonvii]

and sushi i would highly recommend a trip to the zoo. i've never been to another city's zoo, but i thought ive always heard cincys is one of the better zoos in the country...i could be wrong, i seem to remember hearing san diegos is the best


Yeah, Cincy is #3 in the country behind San Diego and the Bronx.

The best thing I can tell you is to come early and only when it's warm ... if you want to see the animals and see them active.

[JSpaceman]

The best thing I can tell you is to come early and only when it's warm
Um... uh... no, I'm not even going to... :o

[rocketman70]

The best thing I can tell you is to come early and only when it's warm ... if you want to see the animals and see them active.


HAHAHA! This sentence gave me the biggest laugh today! :D

[jneale]

Yeah, Cincy is #3 in the country behind San Diego and the Bronx.

The best thing I can tell you is to come early and only when it's warm ... if you want to see the animals and see them active.


Warm? The best times I've had for animal viewing @ the zoo are when the weather sucks…not freezing – but kinda coolish days when there is a light rain…no crowds & all the animals seemed to be feeling their oats…late in the afternoon was good too – everything seemed to be moving around just as the sun sets & before there festival of lights crowds started pouring in…I love that place and much to the chagrin of my neighbors I’ve tried to turn my backyard into Jungle Trails…bamboo & giant reed grass…the dogs & tortoise love it…now if I could just sneak one of those dragons home…

[postfeminist]

damn, i haven't been to a zoo in years...

[Handy Smurf]

nor have I-we should organize a trip to the Cincy zoo PF
and to compromise, we'll organize a 2nd trip to the RocknRoll HOF or possibly Cleveland Sea World...or if you hate Cleveland as much as I do, then we can just organize a "campus visit" to Oberlin and observe all of the "wild life"

[Sushi]

nor have I-we should organize a trip to the Cincy zoo PF
and to compromise, we'll organize a 2nd trip to the RocknRoll HOF or possibly Cleveland Sea World...or if you hate Cleveland as much as I do, then we can just organize a "campus visit" to Oberlin and observe all of the "wild life"
Sea World Cleveland no longer exists.

Good to know you're well-informed about that which you hate. ;)

Honestly, when was the last time you were up here? It's a cool place, there's lots to do. Drive up to the board bash on Saturday, we'll show you a good time.

[postfeminist]

we have plenty of wild life in oberlin, that's for sure.

yesterday i was stalked for a block by a red squirrel.

we also have albino squirrels, and a few freaky ass students :D

[Handy Smurf]

Sea World Cleveland no longer exists.

Good to know you're well-informed about that which you hate. ;)

Honestly, when was the last time you were up here? It's a cool place, there's lots to do. Drive up to the board bash on Saturday, we'll show you a good time.

I don't really hate Cleveland, as is the case with most things, I just like to make fun of it.

I saw Dave Attel over the weekend and he had a spiel about penguins looking like waiters.

[seafoamgreen]

Sea World Cleveland no longer exists.



i had no idea. this is so sad.

I have love for things that make absolutely no sense. SeaWorld in florida, san diego and cleveland? :(

Sea World makes as much sense as the crazy post modern architecture at the Lorain County visitor's bureau

[almaniac27]

Wet Dream - Kip Adotta

It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damned thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive, but I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.

Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me the usual Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the Mako. I slipped him a fin on porpoise. I was eeling good! I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids for the Halibut.

Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna "Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know, a piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she Drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Lets get tanked!!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp, don't ya come trolling around here." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I said, "Abalone. You're just being shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he was already on the phone to the Cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams....

- - - - - - -

I saw this guy live at that one comedy club that was in the Montgomery area for a while before it closed or moved or something. My mind is sharp as a tack I tell ya.

Aw man, I have this song on CD. One pun by itself isn't funny, but one pun after another for some reason is funny.

[AvatarOfVishnu]

just noticed this thread

gawd, these "gay groups" R gonna give fags like me a bad name

if a species is nearly extinct, of course we should do what we can 2 help the procreation process along - its a no-brainer!

hell, if the human race were in trouble, i would do my duty & point my sperms in the direction of some eggs <shiver> i wouldn't like it but i'd do it

[JSpaceman]

hell, if the human race were in trouble, i would do my duty & point my sperms in the direction of some eggs <shiver> i wouldn't like it but i'd do it
I think that's called "taking one for the team." :D

[jneale]

I think that's called "taking one for the team." :D

That is funny on many levels...
:D

[Sushi]

Bump...

Parents want gay penguins book blocked (AP)
Updated: 2006-11-17 13:49

SHILOH, Ill. - A picture book about two male penguins raising a baby penguin is getting a chilly reception among some parents in this village who worry about the book's availability to elementary students - and the reluctance of administrators to restrict access to it.

A copy of the book 'And Tango Makes Three' is seen on display in a bookstore Thursday, Nov. 16, 2006 in Chicago. The illustrated children's book is based on a true story of two male penguins in New York City's Central Park Zoo who adopted a fertilized egg and raised the chick as their own. [AP]
The concerns are the latest involving "And Tango Makes Three," the illustrated children's book based on a true story of two male penguins - Roy and Silo - in New York City's Central Park Zoo who adopted a fertilized egg and raised the chick as their own.

Complaining about the book's homosexual undertones, some parents of Shiloh Elementary School students believe the book - available to be checked out of the school's library in this 11,000-resident town 20 miles east of St. Louis - tackles topics their young children aren't ready to handle.

Their request: Move the book to the library's regular shelves and restrict it to a section for mature issues, perhaps even requiring parental permission before their child can check it out.

At least for now, the district's chief isn't budging. Though a panel she appointed suggested the book be moved and require parental permission before it is checked out, Superintendent Jennifer Filyaw says "And Tango Makes Three" will stay put - at the advice of the district's attorney, who says moving it might be legally challengeable censorship.

Filyaw considers the book "adorable" and age appropriate, written for children ages 4 to 8. "My feeling is that a library is to serve an entire population," Filyaw said. "It means you represent different families in a society - different religions, different beliefs. That's the role of a school library."

Lilly Del Pinto thought the book looked charming when her 5-year-old daughter - a kindergartner at Shiloh Elementary - brought it home in September. Finding the watercolor illustrations "pretty and beautiful," Del Pinto said she was halfway through reading the book to her daughter "when the zookeeper said the two penguins must be in love," jarring Del Pinto.

"That's when I ended the story," she said.

Del Pinto said her daughter's teacher told her she was unfamiliar with the book, and the school's librarian directed the mother to Filyaw.

"I wasn't armed with pitchforks or anything. I innocently was seeking answers," Del Pinto said, agreeing with Filyaw's belief that pulling the book from the shelves could constitute censorship.

"I've not spoken with anyone who says to get rid of it," Del Pinto said. "Of course, we know the kids eventually are going to learn about the homosexual lifestyle. That's not the issue. Please let us decide when our kids are ready. Please let us parent our kids."

Del Pinto says that while she may not "celebrate" homosexuality, "they're valued people."

"We certainly don't want to discriminate or hurt anyone," said Christine Farmer, the mother of two Shiloh Elementary students and the parental representative on the five-person panel Filyaw tapped to examine how to handle the book.

That panel's decision, Farmer says, "was to put this in the parents' lap and let them decide" the book's appropriateness for their children.

"Kids have to be kids at this age," Farmer says. "I don't know why sexuality of any type is appropriate for kids that age. I feel they're learning to count, learning colors. To make that leap to books - is that really appropriate school material?"

"I just feel like this has opened a Pandora's box - are we keeping in mind the kids and keeping them kids as far as we can."

The book has created similar flaps elsewhere. Earlier this year, two parents voiced concerns about the book with librarians at the Rolling Hills' Consolidated Library's branch in the northwest Missouri town of Savannah. The book was moved to the library's nonfiction section at the Savannah library and another branch near St. Joseph, Mo.

Barbara Read, Rolling Hills' director, has said she consulted with staff at the Omaha, Neb., and Kansas City zoos and the University of Oklahoma's zoology department before moving the book, saying the experts all told her adoptions aren't unusual in the world of penguins.

She said the book was moved to the nonfiction section because it was based on actual events. In that section, she said, there was less of a chance that the book would "blindside" someone.

[jneale]

reminds me of the days of working in a book store in NKY - bastard church people would come in on Sundays after church & move the Tom of Finland books to the kids section then complain that we had porn in the store & kept it with the kids books.

[classicgrrl]

reminds me of the days of working in a book store in NKY - bastard church people would come in on Sundays after church & move the Tom of Finland books to the kids section then complain that we had porn in the store & kept it with the kids books.
don'tcha love it?

:D

[purple_octopus]

I bet those are the same bastard church people who don't tip.

[frizgolf]

I bet those are the same bastard church people who don't tip.
They never failed to disappoint on my Sunday shift.

[DaHood]

reminds me of the days of working in a book store in NKY - bastard church people would come in on Sundays after church & move the Tom of Finland books to the kids section then complain that we had porn in the store & kept it with the kids books.
You have got to be joking....

[classicgrrl]

You have got to be joking....

no, he isn't.

we got it too.
anything to push the agenda of Jesus Christ and create an oppourtunity to save a soul!

:rolleyes:

[jneale]

You have got to be joking....
my fav is still the church lady who complained about the picture book of some male model & his football playing boyfriend - Rob & Don or some name combo like that:

"there is a penis on every page"

Yep - two naked guys in profile on the front & two naked guys in profile on the back - I'd had guessed here was a penis between the pages somewhere....but church people have to look...just to make sure.

[classicgrrl]

my fav is still the church lady who complained about the picture book of some male model & his football playing boyfriend - Rob & Don or some name combo like that:

"there is a penis on every page"

Yep - two naked guys in profile on the front & two naked guys in profile on the back - I'd had guessed here was a penis between the pages somewhere....but church people have to look...just to make sure.


jesus pepole should be banned from the art section

[jneale]

jesus pepole should be banned from the art section
& you should be working on papers...or so you said...

[classicgrrl]

& you should be working on papers...or so you said...

blah blah blah...

actually I am.

gots two of them to write. I wanted to get three done this week but it just isn't going to happen.

I'll be lucky if I can get the two done. fuckers take 4-6 hours a piece to write. I'm working on outlines at the moment. but I am tired as all get out right now so I think once I get outlines done for both i'm hittin' the hay.