Favorite Titles from Spam Porn: The Foreplay's Over

[Kwyjibo]

New Pill makes your semen taste sweet-she'll swallow and love it

May the spam porn thread never die.

[cuddlyevil]

"new pill will add 1-3 inches to your length!!"

I ask you, why does a woman get these???:eek:

[Mona]

Subj: adlt/adv: highschool seniors 18/f -- double penetration *NUFF SAID* 4808
From: KurtCobain747

well, its good to see Kurt still has a healthy sex drive, even after all these years six feet under.
:rolleyes:

[Juliana]

From: <bigeasy9908@yahoo.com>
Subject :LIKE FEET?? Click Here!! [adlt]

I had to post it. You know why.....

[c-lando]

FREE BIG BOOBIES!
*******************
I couldn't help but want to scream "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" when I read this one. The first one to make me giggle in a long time.

BTW, Juliana.....I love your signature. That was my favorite episode thus far.

[Juliana]

From: asian1515@hotmail.com
Subject: WHY PAY MORE FOR EROTIC VIDEOS



Indeed.

Thanks c-land:D
That episode was NICE

[RichmondVA]

PURITANS SHOW even without electricity you can plow
new fields of DREAMS!!! Ever wondered what Puritans where after the lights go out ???? You might be shocked even without
electricity,,,be CAREFUL,,,enter so you can be SHOCKED!!!


WTF??

[eurotek1]

From: "Little Virgins" <Little__Virgins@yahooo.com>
Subject: I bet you will like to see my nake!

Sorry for this email,if you will not want to receive this letter after long time,please click here
Thank you very much and let me say sorry to you again:)



???????
'me love you long time!!!!'
what's a nake?

[vicious]

Originally posted by eurotek1
From: "Little Virgins" <Little__Virgins@yahooo.com>
Subject: I bet you will like to see my nake!


heh....i was just coming on here to post this one.

c'mon girls, show the vizzah your nakes.

[Juliana]

"OMG-- this is SO sick"

True dat.

[classicgrrl]

Cum in my mouth

to the point

classic

[c-lando]

Hiya christinaguzzo i got a webcam for my bir...
*****************************************
All I could think of when I first read this was:
"Heelllooooooooo, Motoooooooooooooo.........."

[Juliana]

From: Erotic Nadia
Subject: Tell me you don't enjoy sex - I dare you !


I Triple dog dare you (I know, slight breach of etiquette)!


From: Busty_Boobie-jugfng@bigfoot.com
Subject: Cum Play With My Big Breasts, wzgufo
BIG BREASTED TEENS
DOING EVERYTHING!!!


Including Taxes?

[c-lando]

Christy, Jusst stopped in th library and wanted to say
hey. I tried calling but your # is already gone. I'm
not much on the typing ltters in public places but i
wwanted to let you know i'm thinking of youu and i'm
glad you're back! I love you! tallk aat you soon!
Love you , J-me B-F-F ha ha! :)

My response:
"Who are you?
Who do you think I am?"

I know I shouldn't have responded....but, it was just too weird.

[butter_of_69]

You should've said: "Whho ar you? Who ddo you thinnk I aam?"

If you do hear from this guy, tell him to take a fucking grammar class for Christ's sake.

[Dennis Miller]
He's got more spelling mistakes than Charlie from Flowers for Algernon.
[/Dennis Miller]

[c-lando]

Originally posted by butter_of_69
[Dennis Miller]
He's got more spelling mistakes than Charlie from Flowers for Algernon.
[/Dennis Miller] Is it fair for one man to be this funny? I dig you, butter.......I really do.

[Juliana]

MANY CHERRIES BEING POP HERE!!!!


So, now the v-club kicking out ceremonies are being recorded for posterity. Just great.

[classicgrrl]

Big Boob City

m'kay

classic

[Juliana]

I don't get this one:

Did somebody say leche sandwich??

[c-lando]

Don't get that one either.....though, it has some possibilites. Leche = Milk......but, I don't want my mind going there.

********************************************
CHRISTINALAND, YOU HAVE WON A CHANCE!!!
Unless it's a chance to ride George Clooney until we're blind.....I'm not interested.

[Juliana]

Did somebody say teen skank sandwich??

Why...with the sandwich references lately?

[c-lando]

Tinyt Tina's Tight Twat, jpopvs
*************
Wow......alliteration is so prevalent in spam porn. As is the use of the hyperbole...
If only they would employ the use of a good dictionary......I have such high hopes.

[jgotts]

http://www.spamradio.com/

For your listening pleasure when the 97X streams are down.

[Juliana]

..gets unclothed and becomes EXTREMELY Active!!

the use of the ... at the beginning of the subject intrigues me.....

[nihilist]

Did any say pokmemon? Find out inside....

[shivvy]

I actually got this e-mail this week. I am truly frightened of anybody who would be turned on by this:

Subject : {} Nasty Flea Bitten Whores!!! {}
Date : Mon, 01 Apr 2002 14:57:21 -0400 (EDT)

We have the NASTIEST - GRIMMEST - FLEA BITTEN WHoRES on the neT. These Teen SLuTS take it in the ASS, in their JUICY PUSSYS & they also take MONSTER FACIALS !


Flea bitten whores???? That's a new one...even for me.

[c-lando]

IS SNNORING AFFECTING YOUR SLEEP ?
********************************
Sleep? No.
Spelling? Yes.

[c-lando]

55 messages in my JunkMail this morning.....
Here's the cream (ugh!) of the crop:

RE: The nun in Catholic school spanked me wit...

Not a Warthog at this adult site..Just Beauti...

GROSS TEENS DOING NAUGHTY THINGS!

MY LOVER NEVER SAYS NO! ASK ME WHY!

[c-lando]

Gan Bang City!

"If we cannot make babies
Maybe we can make some time.
Picture pretty you and me
Gan Bang City come alive..."

[c-lando]

69 messages in my Junk Mail folder this morning.
Coincidence?
I think not.

[Juliana]

Hung like a h _ _ s _. FILL IN THE BLANKS

Well, I'm stumped. Any takers?

[Juliana]

Size DOESN'T matter...and the Earth is FLAT...

Okay, I know there is a flat earth society.
Is there a Size does matter society?

[slow-dog]

Originally posted by Juliana
Hung like a h _ _ s _. FILL IN THE BLANKS

Well, I'm stumped. Any takers?

wow, a house! But then where does he live?

[c-lando]

HUGE whore - maria-11
***********************
11 what?
Never mind. I REALLY don't want to know the answer....

[Juliana]

What Tarzan used to get Jane

[Kwyjibo]

Originally posted by Juliana
What Tarzan used to get Jane

I'm guessing it's not savoire faire, and his rapier wit.

[Juliana]

Ever See A Horse Get Analy Violated?.......

Dear Lord no, and I hope I never do.

[hlfzephyr]

"TEEN to EXTREME from TRANNIES to GRANNIES"

"Wet Teen Action...FREE!"

"Fuck my ASS & CUM on my face"

And about a dozen more like it in my junk mailbox.

[Docta]

"DO ME NOW!!"

concise, to the point.

[hlfzephyr]

Just got this one today from Anal Annie at annieneedsareaming@hotmail.com:

"Nasty Anal Rampage - CUM see it now!"

[kickinitlive]

Nasty Sex With Animals... Never Seen Before! 5674LpXX7-325LnWl6532yxvK5-390-28


i bet you say that to all the boys:D

[bmxer43]

Shoot it all over my slutty face.


I'll bet you say *that* to all of the boys!

[Juliana]

"teenage trannies"
"the only good man is a...." Well, I won't say, but he's not finicky....

[Juliana]

Horny Hot Hoes, wcwkmw

Aah, the perfect combination of alliteration and those weird letters that don't make sense.....

[mattsledge]

beat this one, bitches:

NASTY PUSSY HOLE FARTS!

[mattsledge]

Look! More!

Free Young Snatch Always Hits The Spot!!!

If You Like Kinky Sluts, This Site Is For You!

all on my hotmail account. nice.

[classicgrrl]

Barely legal teens barely there....

as in brains?

yum:rolleyes:

classic

[classicgrrl]

Originally posted by mattsledge
beat this one, bitches:

NASTY PUSSY HOLE FARTS!

sledge my perception of you is forever changed...

whether this is good or bad I will leave to your imagination
classic

[Mona]

Subj: If you're horney and you know it open this mail!

damn..i'll never sing the 'if you're happy and you know it' song right again.:rolleyes:

oh wait i almost forgot the best one...

Subj: Finger me with those python fingers, please?

what?? *stares at fingers, confused* :confused:

[Juliana]

Adv:Adult Sexy Cheerleaders UUUMMM Free

uuummm...okay.

[butter_of_69]

Originally posted by mattsledge
Free Young Snatch Always Hits The Spot!!!

Sometimes I think a nice Coke or a lemonade or something would hit the spot. Maybe I need to alter my thinking a little bit.

[Juliana]

GROW YOUR C*** AROUND THE BLOCK! 1731

Do you think it's a regular city block, or like a suburban block?

[cuddlyevil]

Does the spam offering a cure for baldness count as porn if it says "if you're not bald, i'll love you more"?

I am deeply hurt by this, mostly b/c I have a full head of hair but also b/c I think bald heads are terribly fun to touch and dead sexy...

[c-lando]

I, too, was amused by the "Cock around the Block" e-mail.

However, this one just made me cry.
RAPING FURRY NAKED BARNYARD FRIENDS!!!!!!!!

You don't do that to friends, Man.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Juliana]

Pretty Face, Perfect Butt, Dirty Girl...

[cuddlyevil]

my junkmail folder in hotmail had these gems for me today (and in this order too):

"get harder, faster"

"live 18 yearold pussy"


At leat I haven't got the one about the animals yet...*shudder*

[hlfzephyr]

How's these?

"Hardcore Acme Toons"

"Jungle Teens Getting Off"

Oh yeah Tarzan is buggering Bugs!

[classicgrrl]

Originally posted by cuddlyevil
"live 18 yearold pussy"

does it talk?

classic

[c-lando]

I hate HOTMAIL.
Opened a new account the other day and I have not used it for anything. Nor did I tell anyone that the new account exists. The user name makes no sense - no one would just guess it.

Had 5 Porn mails today......all having something to do with anal sex. *ugh*

[cuddlyevil]

Welcome to wonderful world of hotmail C-land...

got this one today:

"closeup pussy...No credit card required"

*shudder*

[ksensa]

this one still has me confused/intrigued:

DOGFART SLUTS!

[c-lando]

This one hit a little too close to home....
I have a friend named Maria who is a teacher.

From: Maria.teacher
I let my students do me, 1 by 1 all 38 of the...

[Juliana]

Not exactly spam porn, but I thought I'd share it anyway. I thought it was pretty funny.

It's some weirdo guy who found me randomly on an instant messenger

Weirdo: I will make you f**k me how ever you want
juliana_27: that's a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it?
Weirdo: I don't know just make you do it
juliana_27: it is just an oxymoron is all
juliana_27: you'd make me do whatever i wanted
Weirdo: I have to go for now

[classicgrrl]

juliana your brilliance is only overshadowed by your intelligence!

Big Nipples On Little Girls

-->THIS is sicko...

classic

[Juliana]

Hehe. Thanks. I hoped that would be appreciatated on here. I was just sad I didn't get to use the classic example of an oxymoron: "stephen Douglas was always refered to as the 'little giant'"

*sigh*

Here's one I just got though.


FREE PORN What else is there to say.

Nothing.

[Juliana]

<adv/adult>
Free Porn For Dummies... Tons of Free Sites To Choose From!!!

[classicgrrl]

"get your penis bigger the natural way"

funny, I thought my penis was big enough.

How come they never say "get your clit bigger the natural way?"

classic

[c-lando]

She may be the one for you

If she is, I hope she can help me explain my new "life-style" to my parents....

[CtJester]

'Hi, I'm Trixie. I'm 18, and I'm horny for girls who have big breasts like I do.'

Then why are you e-mailing me, toots? I don't think you like 'em hairy.

-ct

[Juliana]

DRAG YOUR DICK ON THE GROUND 245894

and

ADV:ADLT: COULD YOU POP OUR CHERRIES!!!

Now I'll have "Zoot Suit Riot" stuck in my head for the rest of the day

[c-lando]

Originally posted by CtJester
Then why are you e-mailing me, toots? I don't think you like 'em hairy.Seriously though......I now have tears in my eyes because this was so damned funny.

[cuddlyevil]

two new ones:

"I'm naked on my cam! Free Chat!!!"

-and-

"Never pay for porn again!"

[yoshomon]

I really don't know what they're trying to say here:

Check out Rufus the Stunt Bum!

[Juliana]

Hello eidkm , come see the ultimate in Adult Content!

Dammit, I hate when I get eidkm's mail.

[classicgrrl]

Nasty Nakid Porn Girls 1814

They had nasty nakid porn girls in 1814?

classic

[cuddlyevil]

*nsync caught naked!!*

[Smem]

I hate to bring this thread up again, but I saw one today while cleaning out my co-worker's email that made me laugh.

"Lesbo Sauna Phuck Fest"

[Juliana]

ADV:YOUNG ASIAN NIPPLES!!!!!!!8842

[Juliana]

RE: Meet sara from whoremart

whoremart is killing small town America!

[Juliana]

apple...do you have any apples?

Aah, back to the food refrences...

[cuddlyevil]

Shania Twain's bald pussy

the guys who perform the song "I want to be Shania Twain's leather pants" are pissin' themselves and subscribing right now...

-and-

Ladies agree size does matter!!! so GO BIG now!!!


where would i be without hotmail? *sigh* :rolleyes:

[LadyJo]

GET VIAGRA ONLINE TODAY

Alrighty then. And how does this, pray tell, apply to me?

[The Sheck]

I got bored at work one day and altered a spam porn one day...Don't ask why...it was a slow day...anyhow this is un-PC so read at your own risk.


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[cuddlyevil]

one of the newest ones to hit my inbox:

get 3x's larger, in just 10 days!!!

[AmericanScience]

I'm not sure if it's "porn" or not, but one hit my inbox over the weekend that was titled "A Bunch of Crap" and had clickable links to things such as:

Just Plain Crap!
Conveyor Butts!
Really Constipated!
All Kinds of Poop!
Bomb's Away!
The Poopie List!


ugh. What's a conveyor butt??? I love exclamation points after things like "conveyor butt".

in a fast german car, i'm amazed that i survived,
airbag saved my life,
B

[classicgrrl]

Get a Penis Enlarger 1/2 Price!

Ummmmm, would you really buy one of these at half its price?
And when am I gonna get my clit enlarger?

classic

[c-lando]

Originally posted by classicgrrl
And when am I gonna get my clit enlarger?This is the LAST thing I needed to think about at 8:07 AM.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[cuddlyevil]

here's a new one:

Sexually attract women instantly!!!

*snicker*

[LadyJo]

I got 4 spams today. One for hot barely legal girls, two for penis enlargement, and yet another for Viagra. This is why I hate spam. Does it cater to my needs? If I would get stuff dealing w/ vibrators, I might very well be interested!:p

[Juliana]

Skanky, Teen WHoRES, Dick Slappin Action - FREE


Really, why leave the "o" in whores in lower case?

[vicious]

i love the ones that speak to me specifically in the subject:

Viciousbrandylicious - Enlarge Your Penis, Safely and Naturally!

and...

Brandy - Learn to sassify your wife every night of the week!!!


seriously. it says "sassify."

[cuddlyevil]

My favorite one so far:

I'm horny, please help me!!!

[berzerker]

Originally posted by vicious
...- Learn to sassify your wife every night of the week!!!


seriously. it says "sassify." [/B]

When I needs to sassify my wife, I use a sammich.

Crap, that sorta came out weird, but in the context of this thead, I guess that's ok.

[classicgrrl]

This is it. My favorite spam header:

The Best Sex Is Free.

classic

[mdewees]

mdewees,Increase your breast 1 to 3 cup sizes

ummm...no thanks, I'm trying to go the other way.

and...

úÁÒÅÇÉÓÔÒÉÒÕÊÔÅ Ó×ÏÊ ÐÏÞÔÏ×ÙÊ ÑÝÉË!

no...not this week.

[cuddlyevil]

How about this one?

Is there pornography on your computer??? Are you sure?

[LadyJo]

Yet another one to add to the collection.

Make me scream!

Um, ok. I'll send this person my credit card bills and student loans, for they sure make me wanna scream.

[MsAtt]

yup, if i get another one telling me i can increase my penis size i'm gonna throw up!
:p

[classicgrrl]

Originally posted by mdewees
mdewees,Increase your breast 1 to 3 cup sizes

ummm...no thanks, I'm trying to go the other way.

and...

úÁÒÅÇÉÓÔÒÉÒÕÊÔÅ Ó×ÏÊ ÐÏÞÔÏ×ÙÊ ÑÝÉË!

no...not this week.

I'll trade ya the breast enhancer for the penis enlarger... ya don't happen to have a clit enlarger do ya?

classic

[MsAtt]

hehe...you a funny one, jules...uh, if you should happen to find one...:D

[LadyJo]

ooooooooh, I want one too!:p

[Juliana]

WHY ARE YOU STILL LOOKING AT OUTDATED PORN????

It's a question I ask myself everyday.

[classicgrrl]

and what would the definition of outdated porn be? Somebody get Jesus Presley in here since he seems to the know the definition of outdated Jazz....

:D I'm feeling ornary...
classic

[cuddlyevil]

Hypnotize a woman into bed ______ swith

dunno what the last part is, but the hypnosis part cracks me up...

[LadyJo]

THE MONEY IS ALREADY IN HOLLAND

??????????????????

[Juliana]

INTERNATIONAL SLUTS! RAFKR

I'm just glad the the porn industry is finally becoming a global villiage.

[classicgrrl]

Juliana, how is it that you get the best porn titles?

hmmmmmmm.....
classic

[Juliana]

I don't know Classic, I really don't. Clando and I are co-queens of the spam porn though. We get a lot of the same stuff on the same days. Just uh...luck I guess.

To further the global marketplace action,
INDIAN PORN 4FREE! QMNKQM

And, also, to bring it home, marvel at the grammar on this one
how come you was not there
How come indeed.

[classicgrrl]

ROTF...
:D
classic

[cuddlyevil]

The newest one to hit me was:

FREE FARM GIRLS!!!

My question is this: what do they need to be freed from?

[MsAtt]

Want a BIGGER ERECTION?

All natural. No pumps, no pills, no surgery! Increases ejaculatory control and volume, increases intensity of orgasm.

this just in...no shit! :D

[JesusPresley]

My favourite is for a phone-sex number :

1-900-FISH-TACO

[Juliana]

Electric Seduction
leads us to

Subject: World's Biggest C*O*C*K*S.... MY
the actual e-mail to this subject said:
*This message was transferred with a trial version ofCommuniGate(tm) Pro*
Get ready for the most amazing BIG C*O*C*K - LITTLE CHIC site
you will ever see!
Click on this link NOW!

[LadyJo]

WANT IT BIGGER?

Only if we're talking about my raise at work.

[Smem]

Monday Fun with Bananas!!

[Smem]

Underpants Skeet-shoot!!

Uh...where do I sign up?

[c-lando]

TIGHT BLACK BOOTY! CRFQ
*********************
Booty!!! - that's what it is!

[Juliana]

You know what's sick?

When I get one so sick and perverted I can't post it here because it would make me feel dirty somehow.

[MsAtt]

i got this one this morning...

Feel the Need...LEZBOS 4 FREE :D

[cuddlyevil]

Originally posted by Smem
Underpants Skeet-shoot!!


LOL!!!! Oh my...this was funny...

[LadyJo]

Hot sex over 50!!

I still have a few good years left, dammit!

[cuddlyevil]

**I'M NAKED AND HORNY ON MY WEBCAM NOW!!!!**

Okay, well...a bit personal there, and yelling isn't going to get you anywhere with me sweetcheeks...

[LadyJo]

OK, now I've seen them all...

WANNA SEE A MASSIVE HORSE COCK IN A TIGHT TEEN PUSSY?

Is this legal?

[Juliana]

Walton hide these pics..

and

Subj: <adv/adult> Most Disgusting Animal Sex Site On The Net!!!
There's just something about about women and farm animals that seems to stir
up our curiosity. It's kinda like a train wreck...


I stoped wondering why

[cuddlyevil]

The scariest one of all...

The truth about free porn. :eek:

[LadyJo]

How old's the horse?

*chuckle*

Probably "young, hot & barely legal."
:)

[classicgrrl]

How to Hook a Hooker for Free....

Do you have to buy a textbook with the course?
classic

[Juliana]

Kimberly: "I met this guy in the park, and we .... on the Beach!

[cuddlyevil]

Originally posted by Juliana
Kimberly: "I met this guy in the park, and we .... on the Beach!

aw man, i bet the sand got into all kinds of uncomfortable places...should've stayed in the park and risked discovery! ;)

[classicgrrl]

Stay Hard All Night


um........wouldnt this hurt?
classic

[bmxer43]

Unfaithful housewives caught fucking pool boys.

[Juliana]

apple...do you have any apples?


Well, no, I can't say that I do. I should make the students bring me apples though...yeah, that's the ticket.

Okay, I have to ask: What do apples have to do with porn?

[Juliana]

Young, beautiful Asian girls need your rod NOW!!!

Those young beautiful Asian girls are so demanding

[AmericanScience]

FORCED TO FUCK!!

double exclamation point and all. grodo.

[Phreon]

"Barely legal cum guzzling gutter sluts are waiting to drain your tubage"

How the hell am I supposed to forget that one?

Phreon

[AmericanScience]

did anyone else get the

a boner explosion! witness it!

one this week?

jeesh.

[yoshomon]

Originally posted by bmxer43
Unfaithful housewives caught fucking pool boys.

i got 'Young Hot Horny Wives who want to please you'

Why don't these spam porn companies just use PORN as their title???

I have always wondered what women work for all these millions of porn sites? I mean how much $ would they really make?

[cuddlyevil]

actually, it can be fairly profitable...or so i've heard ;)

got this one today:

watch me spread my legs live!

ummm...if that's all you're gonna do, then I'm gonna pass. thanks anyway.

[classicgrrl]

Free Sex For Life

nuff said
classic

[LadyJo]

From NO NO NO to YES YES YES!!!

What's the question? ;)

[Juliana]

Little itty bitty tiny t**ies

[MsAtt]

i just had to share my morning mail...

Tiny girls, GIGANTIC cocks.. watch them ride!

[Juliana]

From blowjobs to original artwork, AcmePorn stop hardcore sex action

I personally dig the connection between hardcore sex action and fine art.

[Smem]

"Grab Batchelor Spatchula's Nuts!"

[classicgrrl]

Well, at least this was directed at my gender...

Free Big Cocks For a Short Time Only!

funny, I've never had to pay for them before :rolleyes:
classic

[LiceKrispy]

NURSE FANTASIES!!!!!

Hurry!.....We're losing her!......Get her a cock fast!!!

[MonkeyGirl]

Subject: Spooge Likking Ho's

To Be Eraticated Go Here.


you little

-----------------------------


First of all...Likking? I guess that could be taken in a number of ways. Why isn't there some sort of grammatical guidelines for porn spam?

This one actually included a picture of the 'ho's'. They did seem to be enjoying the spooge.

I just feel short changed on this one.. you little what?? Tell me!

Ah well...time to go be "eraticated"...

[Juliana]

"adam" sent me one about
Hot Sticky Naked Women

[classicgrrl]

ewwwwwww....

take a shower!
classic

[redbobsled]

"See a hot 18 year old girl have sex with her horse now!"

[Juliana]

Forget Tibet. Amnesty International is taking up this cause instead
Free Teen Sluts!

Or, more on the grammar police angle:
I did not have sex with that guy(blow job don't count)UYVGLFXMI

[classicgrrl]

Hot Teenie Pics.

did they mean size? ....the airbrush they sent me looked about 40.

classic

[LadyJo]

ADD THREE INCHES

To what? My hips or my ass?

[Juliana]

It's a porn party in your honor!!!

Don't you wish you had a porn party in *your* honor?

[AmericanScience]

This one makes me giggle like a little girl. It arrived yesterday.

OINK MOO WE LIKE TO SCREW

YAY!!!

[Slugworth]

Just received this one:

20 pics of a sweet and spicy latina babe WAV

Sweet And Spicy????

Sounds Chinese to me....

No...wait...that's "sweet and sour"

:p

[cuddlyevil]

i think i've moved through the progression of porn and to the next level, this frightens me more than the porn:

find out how to become TRUSTWORTHY PARENTS.

[berzerker]

Originally posted by cuddlyevil
i think i've moved through the progression of porn and to the next level, this frightens me more than the porn:

find out how to become TRUSTWORTHY PARENTS.

Yikes. That is scary. What kind of sick websites do you hang out on, anyway?

[cuddlyevil]

Originally posted by berzerker


Yikes. That is scary. What kind of sick websites do you hang out on, anyway?

this one (www.woxy.com)
and this one (www.nfl.com)

:D :D :D :D

[berzerker]

Holy Crap !!!!!

:eek: I hang out at those places too!!! :eek:

[classicgrrl]

"Improve Your Response To Sexual Performance"

apparantly, Viagra can now improve your response as well as performance.

:confused:
classic

[LadyJo]

Here's one from "Go Deeper"

Male virility pill makes you larger and faster

Oh goody!

[cockney rebel]

ENLARGE YOUR PENIS UP TO 3 INCHES

"Up to 3 inches" suggesting that it's less than 3 inches now... how do they know these things?

[classicgrrl]

Enlarge your penis up to an inch per month!

just how big can the damn things get anyway?
classic
*and I need this.........................why?*

[Smem]

"Girls who have Peckers!"


I mean really....

[cuddlyevil]

one from this morning's batch:

"Neat-o sex!"

[LadyJo]

Originally posted by Smem
"Girls who have Peckers!"

Must be the same person who sent me this:

Hott little homaphrodites!

[classicgrrl]

Homo Sapians Gettin' It On

um.....................

[Juliana]

she left me lastnite!
Last night, she said....


Because Mixing Business with Pleasure I-X just weren't enough, they proudly present:
MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE! XI

scream with your added size YafApZMElB Why would it make *him* scream? Is there something I dont' know...well, there's a lot I don't know, but still.....

[Juliana]

Pumpkin Pie Time!!!!

was the subject. I opened it, thinking there was no way it was a porn email. Check the inside:

Thanksgiving Time Is Almost At Hand . . .
They'll Be Eating Turkey All Over The Land . . .
So When You're Done With Your Sweet Pumpkin Pie . . .
Sit Back & Relax, Come Give Us A Try . . .
All You Pilgrims Will Be In Shock . . .
We'll Make You Harder Than Plymouth Rock!

[classicgrrl]

juliana that is WAY too much.

one from my inbox this morning...."just rawk on wich your bad self!"

thank you I think I will!

[cuddlyevil]

Originally posted by Juliana
scream with your added size YafApZMElB Why would it make *him* scream? Is there something I dont' know...well, there's a lot I don't know, but still.....

hee hee...He'd be screaming "my dreams have come true!!" or the like, probably shriek like a schoolgirl with delight first before he could say anything coherent ;) :eek:

[classicgrrl]

WOW! Have the ability to attract the opposite sex...

this is the most offensive porn spam I have ever gotten...
bastards! :mad:

[classicgrrl]

Dildo Cam!

[Kwyjibo]

I just got fucked and then they stold my money.


Those disrespectful bastards....

[cuddlyevil]

Buzzz...Try a vibrator!


um...thanks :eek:

[bunny_milli]

we work for DICK!!!

i can pay people with dick? cool.....

[hlfzephyr]

Watch my little sister swallow my big dick!


uhh...how about no! Yuck!

[classicgrrl]

Reality XxX Sitcoms --> Staring Amateurs From Your City ID: vtki

OK - which one of you did it? Fess up.....Juliana is of course the most likely culprit!

[LadyJo]

Grow your penis safely and naturally.

By creative visualization?

[classicgrrl]

ding ding ding!
winner!!!!!!!!

ROTF....:D

Lady Jo, your the coolness!!!!!!!

[cockney rebel]

"I'm so lonely right now, I'll do anything you say"

I've enquired about my ironing.....

[FOBAgain]

"Anal Adventure on the High Seas!"

Cool! What could be better than a little swashbuckling to go with my ass! :D

[Slugworth]

"Slippery Wet Sex"

much better than "High-friction Dry Sex"!

[Juliana]

BREAK WALLS WITH YOUR BIG COCK!

[butter_of_69]

If you do break through any walls with it, make sure to yell "Oh yeah!" when you're done.

[Smem]

"Hot New Free Cu'm Dripping Celebs!!"

As opposed to the normal cu'm dripping people I encounter daily

;)

[mdewees]

"1/4 INCH IN 1 WEEK!!!"

What am I gonna do with 1/4 inch?

[Kwyjibo]

From Petite Sharon:

I'm not huge like those amazon girls!

Wow! Just when I thought I'd never find a non-amazonian chick.

From Buddington Stasny:

Erection problems can almost always be treated (2a2pmN)

Thank Christ.

[mdewees]

"Mdewees, your Kiev Chicken is ready :)"

(yes, it was porn)

:confused:

[lawdog]

I just got this one:

Hey, wanna watch my webcam! Check it out! It's online now
www.geocities.com/hotpam1981

(type that into your browser)
www.geocities.com/hotpam1981

hope we can videochat soon :-)

Why, thank you Pam! I would never have known that I was supposed to type that URL into my browser!

P.S. Purely for research purposes, I went to "hotpam's" website. Now, I'm not a medical professional, but I'm not sure that those hoo hoos are real. They seem a bit more buoyant than the hoo hoos I've had firsthand knowledge of. Then there's the fact that they're bigger than her head. Can I get a ruling here?

[classicgrrl]

That chickie's gonna have back problems!
I think they might actually be balloons...

[AmericanScience]

I dunno about her hoo hoos but her tits are stunning. ;)

[LadyJo]

I know one thing for sure - she won't die by drowning!

[Seattle93]

Today's gem:

Hot chicks & farm animals

Can't wait!

[AmericanScience]

ugh

Best porn spam subject line this week...

"2 Guys + 1 Mom = Buckets of Cum"

[classicgrrl]

Pick Your Chick
AND
Your Breasts Are Ugly, Make Them Bigger Now....

kinda harsh, aint it?

and a friend of mine got this one...

"Size DOES Matter; Dont Wait Until It's Too Late And You Find Out After The Break Up That She Was Faking It. Satisfy Her NOW!

dang, these titles are beginning to get just downright mean!

[Juliana]

From : Roscoe
Subject : attention: Sanford

Don't be embarrassed by your small breast size any longer!

Up to three cup sizes in as little as a month!

You owe it to yourself, You Can Make this year
the year you end your embarrassment

Click Here

- All natural
- Low Cost
- 100% safe
- Results start from Day 1!

Also Firms are Tightens to create sexy
youthful perfect breasts!

Click Here for free info you have nothing
to lose and a bigger bust to gain


If you already have perfect breasts please
click here to be removed from out mailing
list.

[cuddlyevil]

dunno how to take this one:

"coverage for you teeth"

:confused:

[cuddlyevil]

Hottie adult site 4f

if I'm not mistaken, '4f' was used by the military to identify those who'd failed to pass the testing...*shrug*

[Smem]

Lately I've been getting a lot of spam that has porn as the sender.....usually with no subject or title.

My favorite to date is the from "Prick_Sucker_1000"

[Juliana]

ÄõÎstud`ränch:`for`gäy`men


That's what I thought.

[cuddlyevil]

this one made me shudder:

"tear her apart with your huge shaft!"

[Juliana]

TharSheBlows

Do you think most people get the Moby Dick line?

[classicgrrl]

Try a neglected and hot housewife...

um? :confused:

[Juliana]

hard and full of sea men

I loves me some sailors
I hope they're pirates
(I really like the free rum too)

[classicgrrl]

juliana the spam porn queen.

hey smoker - can you change the lyrics of Justine to reflect this?

[Juliana]

Breaking the nautical theme I've had lately

Can You Babysit?
Are You Hungry Yet?
Grow A 3rd Leg Today rs
And my favorite of the lot:
Sheep Loving Videos

[eurotek1]

not really porn, but spam viagra mail...

"Why wait, enjoy great sex that will last a life time! "

i dunno if i can last that long....dang.

[monkey neck]

A buddy of mine received this subtle spam:

"Break her walls with your huge shaft"

Classy.:D

[Juliana]

=The Ho ExpreSS=
ALL aboard the HOE TRAIN!

Uh...Choo-choo?

[Juliana]

You're Dumb

[Kwyjibo]

Originally posted by Juliana
(I really like the free rum too)

She's a lot like Andy Richter in that respect.

[essinem]

"I blew a load all over my mothers face... owo... "


thats just sick.

[Seattle93]

In the past week I've gotten 3 of these:

Mangina Enlargement Study


According to UrbanDictionary.com a mangina is:

"when a guy pulls his dick and balls back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him) and then putting his legs together to simulate the look of a vagina"

Now the question is, how does one enlarge the simulated vagina?

[LadyJo]

WHIP ME

alrighty, if you insist.

[classicgrrl]

Suck On Lonely Hosewives

...what's a hosewife?
...and how do you suck on one viturally?

[Juliana]

Yeah, so I haven't checked my hotmail in like a week. I had 136 pieces in my junk mail folder. Some of the titles...well, I ran them together, and they sort of came up like a really twisted conversation.

Tonight for your spam porn title pleasure, I present:

Tête-à-Tête in early Spring


-i waited for you
A Long Time

-i know where to go

-I Heard This
A Serious Secret

-I Didn't Hear

-He's So Depressed
Work Sucks
Very Ticked Off
I Wasn't Supposed To See

-Awesome Story Q
Very Origional
Turned Out Good

-Awesome Ain't it ...

-I'm Aroused

-Sorry Bout That

-I Really Meant It

-Are You Flirting?

-I'm A Womanizer
I Love Women
In Da Butt
Am I A Fool?

-Take Me Home

-I'm Eating Lobster

-You're Nuts

-Relax Homie

-Like I Said

-I Need Friends
Who's My Daddy?

-Drop It
I Can Not Go

-Peace Out

[Juliana]

GIRLS who are INSANE caught on tape.

As long as her name isn't Samara...

[classicgrrl]

i have always thought Juliana was a genius!
now I have proof!

[Slugworth]

The Amazing Midget Trapeze Gangbang

Uh....

I almost went to this site, just to see what the hell this encompasses...but my willpower prevailed...

...for now.

[LadyJo]

Originally posted by Slugworth
The Amazing Midget Trapeze Gangbang

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Spam is a pain in the ass, but sometimes a title like that makes it a little less so. :D
That would be a great name for a band!

[Murphy]

USE YOUR DICK TO HIT PEOPLE!!!

Well, maybe if I had one, but no thanks.

[Kwyjibo]

Date more women or I'll give you $40

Wow! Since I have not desire to date more women, that's an easy $40.

[monkey neck]

(O)(O) Larger Breasts without surjary.



Surjary, huh? Is that some Indian guy?

[Huxley]

i just got a good one today, i havnet read threw all of these, so someone else might have received it, it was called Naked Dwarf Tossing, the fact they actually called it that was so funny i almost went to the site, ok i did go, but you cant prove i liked it.

[lawdog]

Hmm...I thought the P.C. term was "little people." I guess they don't like being called that when they're naked, though.

[monkey neck]

"War makes these ladies horney."

Some messed up ho's those are...

[eurotek1]

this cracked me up!
'satisfy your woman you pindick'

pindick! haha!

[Kwyjibo]

Release your H0T W4D OF L0VE all over our c*m loving WH0RES! srkawale

OOOOOOOK

[LadyJo]

SHE SUCKS THE WARM STUFF OUT

I'm sure that's a great comfort on a cold day.

and

Add inches to your small penis!

Who you callin small?

[LadyJo]

Free six pack of x rated fortune cookies!

I'm in the mood for Chinese.

[watusi]

Guys.get a huge johnson.....





Is that Magics' brother?

Reminds me of an unattributable quote I read about J. Geils Bands' (remember them?) harmonica player "with a name like Magic Dick,you BETTER be good at something.."

[Kwyjibo]

Not exactly porn but. I find this title to be odd.

Ebay for you. WOXYu

Umm... how did WOXY get in there?

[LadyJo]

Amateurs are even more fun to watch.

Calling all peeping toms!

[LadyJo]

Bend over baby

Your own personal ButtSlut to command

Must find latex gloves...

[Juliana]

Wierd Lady Jo, because I got this one
Come find out why she is a "ButtSlut"

I also had this

julie Increase your breast size with quick-bust, All natural cdqepcga10:27:01 PM

Call me crazy, but "cdqepcga10:27:01 PM" doesn't really sound all natural to me.

[lawdog]

Subject line: It's never been easier to buy a house.

Text of Message: CLICK HERE TO NEVER PAY FOR PORN AGIAN!

Sheesh. Do these people think that I'm spending so much on porn that I could buy a house if I stopped? Sure, I could probably score a nice used Porsche, pay off my student loans, and have a little left over for a trip somewhere, but a house? Pshaw.

(And, yes, they really did misspell "again.")

[Juliana]

4962850 How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
Not porn, I know, but I just thought it was funny. Oh, wait, it was porn afterall. Damn these vague subject lines
and

Superior Penile Shaftosis
and

say yes, multiple times a day

Yes.
Yes.
Oh my God, it really works
(yes)

and
Extreme penetration
You know, i think the Extreme Sports thing has just gone too far on this one. I picture guys in helmets and elbow pads jumping skateboards and bikes and junk.

and
See why they call her HooVer :)
Because Herbert is her favorite President, and she likes the Dam?

[postfeminist]

from: "Kristen" <vskxxsqbj@laritlxvtudhixahvnjrqstewk.net>
subj: WASTED NAKED SORORITY


i wanna know how they got my photos from undergrad.

(j/k...i was never in *that* kind of sorority.)

[lawdog]

"i was never in *that* kind of sorority"

And by that you mean that you weren't naked, or that you weren't wasted?

Curiously,

ld

[Kwyjibo]

From: Miss Kuntlynn
Subject: If you insist I will let you lob you load onto my face

Wow, that's a new one.

[samanafay]

i don't know how but i never ever get spam email. i'm almost jealous of all of your guys' funny porn email. almost.
but i do, all of a sudden, keep getting these pop up messages addressed as: "From SKINNY PERSON to FAT PERSON..." they go on to instruct me to buy such and such so that i will cease to be so grotesquely fat. is that horrible or what?

[cuddlyevil]

from: jaklyn
subject: I really am a young college student.

[Smem]

From: Large Willy

Subject: Her first BIG Dick!!

Of course I'm sure she knew what to do with it, cuz the email before that was offering lesson on how to give a "Great" Blo Job :eek:

[Kwyjibo]

Originally posted by samanafay
i don't know how but i never ever get spam email. i'm almost jealous of all of your guys' funny porn email. almost.
but i do, all of a sudden, keep getting these pop up messages addressed as: "From SKINNY PERSON to FAT PERSON..." they go on to instruct me to buy such and such so that i will cease to be so grotesquely fat. is that horrible or what?

Maybe they just couldn't think of an easier way to tell you? I mean, you can't really knock them for the intervention effort can you?

[samanafay]

damn.

[Kwyjibo]

Sorry, Samanafay... t'was just joshin' ya.

From: DonQuixotePA
Subject: We met this Horny Mom on the Street! meguy

From: DOLYMYTE
Subject: Porky Babes with Huge Moist Caverns! lionelokanta

From: Carmen Bumbum
Subject: Oh my god when he slid it up my poop shoot I almost fainted

From: Cindy Kums
Subject: My girlfriend gets to my climax, why would I need a guy?

Busy day for the porn apparently.

[LadyJo]

B!G T!TS T!GHT @SS

How exc!t!ng

[cuddlyevil]

"these girls can handle 12 inchers!"